destellos de la noche

drowning in starlight
i played with tops and lullabies
i didn’t realize they’d kill me softly
and i had no clue of the poison
in my ocean and cherry blossoms
so stain the reflection from space
with car exhaust and floodwater
and the screams of the suffocating
it’s the next exit on highway 14
already consumed by forest fire
and rising, crashing tides
my prius is sinking like
my hopes and dreams
cities full of ashes and cigarette
we can hear the river from here
shouts of the damned
the formerly happy
drinking bourbon by the sea
like a 1950’s caricature
of a happy american family
a muddy tide that sunk us in tombs
of shining alabaster towers
and villas scarred for lifetimes
no one to save us now

It gives me butterflies to look out in my yard and see sun touching the tips of the grass. Really it does. I got so used to sitting, watching the snow pour like tears from tired eyes, that happy scares me. It scares me in a good way sometimes, and a bad way other times. I’m not used to anything going right, and so I see poison where I should see something, anything good. The characters in my life are like pawns moving towards me in a giant proverbial chess game, trying to take my crown like the thieves they are.

Because time, and love, and hate, and anger and all these things are thieves that don’t realize how long they’ve gone without sleeping. Kind of like me. They’re the monsters that reach for me in the dark, when I’m lonely, but they’re what I feel the most connected with. I’m no longer a butterfly flying over the ocean and smiling. I’m more of a bald eagle, flying over clear-cut mountains and just… blinking inside.

The hurricane sunset floods the sky
And daisies sing little lullabies
Telling me softly, “go to sleep”,
Even though I feel much too weak.

Inky night gets closer by the hour
As I sit watching my life from a tower
Little pink blossoms are popping on cliffs
And I wonder what there’s left to miss

But soon, I’ll be snapped like the skin of a grape
My wounds no longer covered by masking tape
I’ll fall again, straight back to the ground
And no one will listen to hear the sound.

My soul and eyes are confined in bottles of Merlot

I’m sailing through a storm that’s tearing the shades off my windows

My wings are clipped and my sunset is in shades of coriander and piss

And I’m drowning in a swamp that’s full of things with sharp teeth

My mind is a cocktail of brittle fingers reaching for me in the biting night

Grass goes purple with bruises

Or is that just the reflection of my heart screaming back at me ?

A couple of days ago, I was incredibly stupid/impulsive and deleted my blog. I felt like “oh, social media plays too much of a role in my life, I’m going to go natural, and blah blah blah”, but the thing is, five minutes later, it was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. 

So now I’m back, with the same old avatar, same old blog title, design and description, just no posts or followers. But I’m now back on Tumblr for good, doing the same old jig, sooo…. yeah. Follow destellos de la noche.